The Ayi Diaries, cont…

So our Ayi has been with us for three months, and I thought it was time for another installment of “The Ayi Diaries.” We have had our share of bloopers over these past few months, as we sort out our differences and find a routine. I’ve been around the house studying the whole time, and next Monday marks the beginning of school. It’s been wonderful to have the time to get to know each other as well as work out some of the inevitable kinks in such a relationship.

Leo adores Ayi, and is happy to see her every day, which is a relief to me! I have to admit though, as a Mom, the first time he reached out his arms to her while in my arms I thought, “Oh, so soon you forget who carried you in the womb and fed you night after night!” ☺ Just kidding, sort of.

We almost parted ways when she fed him a bunch of her lunch one day without telling me. Without being too explicit, let’s just say there was “evidence” that he had been fed something very strange. We had to confront her with this (very interesting to confront anyone in China about anything, by the way) and at first she just said, “Well, he really liked it.” (I thought to myself, “Well, he would really like to eat ice cream for breakfast every day too.” ☺) I kept pushing the issue, because she knew that I wanted her to only feed him our food (I’m neurotic about food because we’ve had two bouts of food poisoning and I’m not anxious for Leo to have this experience!). Finally, she admitted that she thinks we don’t feed him the appropriate foods, and thought he needed more fiber. We then had another conversation about his poo habits (yes, at this point my potty vocabulary ROCKS), and settled the issue. She promised to never do that again. That’s the only time I thought our relationship wasn’t going to work out!

She has taught Leo how to dance and how to clap! He responds to the Chinese for “dance” and “clap” and still doesn’t know these words in English. We’re really interested to see how his language develops, and it seems he’s having no trouble. He can speak about 4 or 5 words now – all in English so far. But it’s great to see that he’s assimilating the sounds and is beginning to show understanding of some Chinese words.

Otherwise, there have been some interesting cultural encounters. We’ve made a point not to fuss too much over him when he hurts himself. In China, the babies are really fussed over when they fall, and they tend to cry quite a bit. So she likes it that he’s not quite that easily flustered. She also told my tutor that she likes my methods that I get from books (she thinks we’re a little book crazy because all we do is study and read), and that it seems that the methods work very well. She asked me to go the bookstore with her to pick out a Chinese book so she could read about it herself. I told her that I don’t think they’ve translated them into Chinese quite yet! Now that he’s walking and has turned one, he’s turned into a bundle of busy-ness – enough for any one person to handle. I’m not so sure there’s a book that covers this territory! We joke that we now live with ‘Animal’ from the Muppets ☺.

Although sometimes it’s still hard to communicate, it’s gotten so much better over the past three months. I understand her fairly well now, and she’s really patient with my choppy Chinese. It’s a complicated relationship, both because of the language and the culture. Some things don’t translate that well no matter what you say! However, we’re working it out a day at a time, and at the end of the day – she’s pretty cool. She recently came to his birthday party, and we were glad to celebrate with her. Cheng Ayi is a big part of Leo’s life and ours.

Saving Face…

Yesterday, after trying on several pieces of clothing at a small shop, I told the shop assistant, “Zhexie bu xiang.” Which, roughly translated, means, “I wouldn’t like these.” I thought that was a simple enough phrase – it did the job and I even used the form of the verb “to want” (there are two) that has a softer edge. Usually, when I don’t want something, I say, “Bu yao, xiexie.” (I don’t want, thank you). This form of want (yao), conveys a stronger meaning, but when said correctly, it isn’t rude – just very direct. I use it all the time at restaurants and in the marketplace with no problems. JM has been encouraging me to try saying, “Bu xiang” instead of “Bu yao” – to be a little less direct. So, I thought I would try it out.

Imagine my surprise when the shopkeeper laughed right out loud! I was a bit taken aback, realizing I must have said something wrong, but not quite certain exactly what could have been wrong with three simple words. I looked at JM, and he just shrugged. The shopkeeper quickly corrected my language, and told me to say instead, “It’s not ok.” So today, during my lesson, I of course asked my tutor what caused the problem. She said my grammar was fine, but my cultural awareness was lacking. By using that form of the verb, I was implying that I didn’t want the clothing, partly because I didn’t like it (which is a bit of an affront to the store), and partly because I couldn’t afford it (which causes embarrassment to me). She told me that I should have made up a reason why I didn’t want the clothing (wrong size, wrong color, bad fit…) – ANYTHING but imply that I couldn’t afford it or that I straightforwardly just didn’t like it.

I’m going to have to get used to this, as my first inclination is to politely tell it like it is. Luckily, here, I have no choice but to think before I talk (since Chinese doesn’t quite come naturally yet!), so I don’t imagine I’ll make this mistake twice.

What we miss (and don’t)

So, you may be wondering, what do Liz and JM miss after 4 months outside of the US? And, what don’t we miss that we thought we would before we left? Well, here’s a short list (we will not be talking about the obvious things like friends and family – YES, we miss you all terribly!).

THINGS WE MISS:

Our oven! Ovens do exist here, but they’re a luxury that few can afford.

The comfort of blending right into your own culture. Everywhere we go, we are different. In a given setting, we may not always be sure of the social context. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to communicate, and sometimes we long for the ease of being in a group of Americans! We are also the objects of LOTS of second glances and curiosity, which we’ve grown more and more accustomed to over the past 4 months. Nonetheless, sometimes we really would like to blend in!

In a word: YOGA. (This is Liz writing. For the record, JM does NOT and will never miss Yoga.)

Foods we miss: Chocolate, Cheese, Good Wine, Avocados, Good Cheap Coffee (no one sells decaf here, and the coffee they do have is very expensive), Deli Meat, BREAD, Hommos, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Western Spices (Funny though, we don’t really miss lettuce salads.) AND, we especially miss all the fabulous restaurants in New Haven (Thai Taste, Sitar, SUSHI Palace!, Istanbul, Claire’s, Pepe’s and Sally’s, Modern Apizza, The Pantry, etc, etc, etc!).

US Sports Coverage on TV – We do wish we could watch a good game now and then!

Fresh air and clean water: We are coughing a bit more and inhaling a lot more dust, and we buy bottled water every day. We certainly appreciate the quality of American air and water!

A soft bed mattress. As far as we can tell, we are actually pretty lucky to have a mattress. Beds of criss-crossed ropes are not uncommon here.

Space: It is crowded here. There really are a LOT of Chinese people. And we thought New England was crowded.

Toilet paper and hand soap in restrooms; we make sure to bring our own.

THINGS WE THOUGHT WE’D MISS, BUT DON’T:

Our clothes drier – not a big deal once we got the hang of doing laundry this way… Even with a baby and all the laundry that entails.

Carseats and strollers: Let’s face it, carseats (while admittedly safer), are annoying. We don’t know a baby who loves his/her carseat. We don’t drive our own car, and there aren’t seatbelts in the taxis to hook up a carseat. People do use strollers here, but we don’t know how they navigate the sidewalks and ad hoc construction zones with them. Plus, hauling a stroller up and down 96 stairs to our apartment sounds backbreaking. Not to mention, Leo is more protected from all the attention he gets here while in our arms or in our carrier. So, to heck with carseats and strollers!

Driving our own car – we just don’t need (or want) a car here. Everything we need is within walking or bussing distance. Navigating the streets of Nanjing in a car also sounds a little scary. It’s pretty organized, but still a bit cutthroat.

Endless supplies of hot water: We have a solar water heater on our roof and it heats a certain quantity of hot water for us each day when the sun is out. It saves a tremendous amount of electricity.

Toilets with seats: You may or may not know that Asian toilets are holes in the ground (with plumbing, of course), and so no one sits in restrooms. It is quick and can be clean (as long as you don’t slip on the floor).

For all the things we miss, we are having constant adventures exploring our new territory and are feeling more and more at home here. People are indeed curious, but also very friendly – asking us what kind of food we eat, where we’re from, where we live, what we’re doing here, and – our personal favorite – if we know who Michael Jordan is! Although we may not always be at ease and it takes about 10 times as much energy to communicate, it’s incredibly satisfying to be able to have conversations with people who, just a few short months ago, we could barely say hello to in Chinese!

Foreigners on table three!

Going on our fourth month of residence here in Nanjing, we sometimes feel a routine start to set in. Things that first were strange to us, like spitting in public, are now second nature (for JM at least- PTOO!).

Every now and again, though, something gives us a pretty good reminder that we’re unquestionably a foreign element here in China. For instance when eating out for lunch a few days ago, we were finishing up when another group of people came in looking for a seat. Standing right by us, the waiter called out to them in front of all the other guests, “Just wait a second and these foreigners will be done!” It’s an adjustment, but we’re slowly getting used to being branded “WAIGUOREN” (foreign person) in everyday speech!

Running to the market

We are getting back on our feet after the food poisoning (have we said that already? ) Seriously though, it hit us hard, and this morning’s tough run was proof that our bodies are still recovering. We are in the last few weeks of training for a half marathon, and the food poisoning caused us to miss a week and a half of running. In the meantime, the weather has become rather warm here, in the 80s most days. There are more people out exercising in the mornings, and a few more runners on the road! I must admit, I actually try to run a little faster here out of patriotism. I realize (this is Liz writing) this is somewhat illogical, but it’s true. My long-run outfit is also red, white, and blue (this is coincidental). No one is going to mistake me for an Olympian anytime soon, but it’s interesting how being in a foreign country has brought out my patriotic side. I’ve also learned that if I respond to the inevitable stares and gawking with a smile, most often, I get a smile in return. Every once in a while there’s an obnoxious person who yells out HELLO in the loudest voice possible, just to get laughs from other observers. I usually ignore this, but I’ve thought about stopping and yelling NI HAO (hello in Chinese) really loud just to make a point. I probably won’t, since that would mean slowing down.

We’ve been cooking up a storm in our home! After two months of going out to eat, it finally got old (getting sick probably had a lot to do with it). We both love Chinese food, and it is really cheap to eat out, but we were craving “xicai” (Western Food) and some more normalcy in our daily routine. This has meant that we’ve been heading to the markets for fresh food a few days a week. The produce here would be the envy of anywhere I’ve ever been in the US. It’s fresh, bountiful, and incredibly inexpensive. We’ve been taking advantage of this to learn some new words and some new foods. They have most things we have in the States, but it’s not always exactly the same. The carrots here are a little sweeter and are about the size of my forearm.

Bargaining is the norm here in China, in any marketplace. However, foreigners can expect a “foreigner’s mark up” right off the bat. Although I’ve been frustrated at having to pay higher prices than the locals, it’s motivating to learn the language so that one day I can bargain (and therefore perhaps pay) like a local. I have always been a pretty good negotiator in the States, but here I have no skill. When the shopkeeper tells you the price and you counter-offer, they look at you disdainfully – like you just kicked a puppy… or worse! It was really disarming the first few times it happened, until I realized that this reaction is all part of the negotiation process here. I’m also getting to know fair prices for things, which really helps. I asked a Chinese person how they know what to counter offer, and they told me, “You just have to know it in your heart.” This was not so helpful, but I got the drift… “Follow your gut.”

Three weeks in

It’s hard to believe we’ve been here for three weeks already. We feel like there are so many interesting things we’ve seen that it’s hard to know what to start with. I’ll try to pick out just a few of the things that stand out in my mind as noteworthy experiences in our new life here.

First, there are many parts of Nanjing that aren’t so different from life in the states. Our first surprise was to see many American companies that have made their arrival in this mainland city, even though being 4 hours removed from Shanghai. First were the obvious, McDonald’s and KFC. But after a few days of taxi rides around town trying to file all of our visa papers, we spotted Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, and of course, multiple Starbucks coffee shops. Our neighborhood food mart has Pampers disposable diapers, and a full line of Johnson and Johnson toiletries. The department stores in town are stocked with all of Liz’s favorite makeup brands and beauty products, and many name-brand clothing companies have their lines for sale, from Gucci to Esprit. Maybe due to our apartment’s proximity to the Johns Hopkins campus at Nanjing University, we find ourselves right around the corner from an American food import store, with everything from pasta and cheeses to Swiss Miss and Betty Crocker mixes. Our impulse to leave parts of US commercialism behind seems to be thwarted by all of this. However, it is certainly a clear segment of the population that can afford these items, as they are all sold at American prices, which makes them 7 times more expensive in the local currency.

Second, we had our first experience of receiving bias towards foreigners. During our apartment search we found a well priced flat near school that was relatively clean. Desperate by this point, we tried to lock in the lease. At first the landlord backtracked, saying he had another person interested in a longer lease duration than us. Our friend translating pressed him with our counter offer for a higher monthly rental rate, but he confessed that he didn’t feel comfortable with tenants who had a language barrier. We realize this is quite a natural concern, but we never imagined we’d be in this situation ourselves, especially since we came to town with the objective of improving our Chinese. Also, people typically had no reserves about renting property to us. Was there something else besides the language difficulty behind this situation? We don’t really know, but this was definitely a new experience for us. (We found a much better apartment, so this one just wasn’t meant to be.)

Third, today I had the experience for the first time of looking at a fellow Westerner as a foreigner. While practicing Chinese with a classmate, I found myself subconsciously evaluating his features, noticing that his eyes looked strange to me. I realized what I was doing, along with the irony that I shared these exact same features that put us so out of place in China. The six million residents of Nanjing share the same ethnic background, much more so than the residents of most cities in the US. This makes we few Westerners stick out like sore thumbs against the homogeneity. It really struck home today that I too am a foreign element to this community, something that I’m powerless to change no matter how well I may learn to speak Chinese.

Going to WalMart

Well, we broke down and went to WalMart this weekend to buy a few things for our new gong yu (apartment). I’ll spare you the details about how the Chinese do not use washclothes or topsheets, and tell you that I can confirm that China is indeed one very populous country. WalMart was more crowded than an East Coast Mall on a Saturday afternoon before Christmas. THANKFULLY, people aren’t all vying for parking spaces (most people are on foot here), but still, the crowds were incredible. My normal polite state had to give way to self preservation mode just to make it out alive and with our intended purchases in hand.

Now, as far as I can make out after just a few weeks in China, the typical Chinese woman is fairly petite. But don’t let that fool you. They will take you out like an NFL linebacker to get to the shelf they are trying to look at. I had to throw some serious elbows to get to the hairdryer section, and once I had it in hand, I had to fight my way back out of the aisle to get back to our cart. I had to keep reminding myself that all these people aren’t being rude, they are just trying to survive in a very crowded country.

Is your refrigerator running?

On Sunday night, we were very concerned that our refrigerator, which we had plugged in that morning, wasn’t cold enough. We kept putting our hands inside and saying things like, “Nope, doesn’t really feel that cold.”and “Wait, try turning that knob all the way up.” We finally just decided to put the milk and OJ in the freezer, thinking it had to be cold enough there. On Monday morning, when we awoke to frozen milk and OJ, we realized that the unheated (and rather uninsulated) apartment, like most in Nanjing, was simply just as cold (if not a bit colder) as the inside of the refrigerator. In our chilly state, we just couldn’t tell the difference. Happily, though, there’s a space heater in our bedroom, so Leo is not being refrigerated! Also, we are happy to hear Spring in Nanjing is fast approaching!

The Post Everyone’s Waiting For..

Yes, we made it!  We’re now residents in Nanjing, China after a nineteen hour commute from Vancouver!  The process of arriving at Shanghai airport was surprisingly smooth- it’s a fully modern airport, with all services nicely streamlined.  It didn’t take more than fifteen minutes after deboarding to reach our baggage and clear customs.  Nanjing University sent us a minivan shuttle whose driver met us right at the customs exit, so there was no guesswork about how to make it to Nanjing after the flight.  A four hour car ride from the airport was all it took to arrive at our dormitory at the university.  Besides there not being a carseat for Leo(!), the highway driving looked remarkably similar to US standards.  Except that lanes in China seem fairly subjective, but everything works out.
 
Our first few days in this city have been adventuresome already.  There is already plenty we can report on…except that our blogsite is banned!  China apparently blocks out many of the blog servers, which we obviously did not know ahead of time.  Basically we can’t access our blog or any of the other WordPress sites while we’re here.  This post is coming through a ‘Special Third-Party Correspondent’ in the US, in fact.  How this will pan out in the future remains to be seen, but we’ll do our best.
 
So, some of the striking differences we’ve encountered in our first three days:
 
1. Everyone loves Leo.  This may not be so different from back home, but let’s put it this way: Everyone LOVES!!! Leo.  We can’t take him out in public without over half of the local people pointing at him, laughing with delight (especially when they see him tucked in our jackets in his infant carrier), coming up and smiling at him, touching his cheeks, saying how pretty he is, and usually without fail telling us he’s too cold and not dressed warmly enough.  This started happening as soon as we passed customs, and continues each day.  It’s still fairly novel, but we imagine the novelty will wear out eventually.
 
2. This is a big city.  There really are a lot of people in China. It’s a lot more bustling than New Haven and Green Bay, our most recent homes, much closer to New York in intensity and size.  Somehow it all works out.  There are lots of pedestrians and bicyclists, mopeds galore, and a good bit of traffic.  There probably aren’t as many cars per capita as in the States, but there’s still a lot of them.  They love to honk at the slightest provocation, which is very often.  It’s not too intrusive, however- if there were such a thing as polite honking, this would be it.
 
3. There’s a lot of bureaucracy.  Again, perhaps it was expected, but dealing with it has been a new experience.  JM has tried for two days now to register for classes- perhaps on the third day there will be a breakthrough.  It’s a lot like the DMV- so many requirements and regulations!  It has its benefits, though.  JM witnessed up close (closer than he would have liked!) the phenomenon of administering 300 separate medical physicals within the space of three hours, all replete with lab work, EKGs and heart ultrasounds, x-rays, and even teeth exams! 
 
4. Personality: This one is hard to capture in words.  The Chinese definitely share a national culture much different from what we’re used to. It’s going to take some time to understand more completely their personal interaction, habits, likes and dislikes, and tolerances.  There’s going to be plenty to adjust to, that’s for sure.  Much more will have to be written on this.
 
For now, we’re living through our dictionary and plenty of pantomiming.  It seems to work out most of the time, and all of the staff at the University have been most helpful.  We’ll keep you posted as best we can as life continues to take this new turn. 
 
(One more technical note- pictures will be delayed until we can find a way to fit our Mac into the wall outlets here to power it on!)
 

Dinner for Breakfast in Vancouver

Cereal and toast, eggs and bacon, waffles and pancakes – ah American breakfast. It has long been my favorite meal. Today we had our first taste of Chinese breakfast at our friend’s parents’ place. They are from Baoding, outside of Beijing, and moved to Vancouver in 1980. We started with pork wrapped in bean curd with hot sauce, and moved from there to pork dumplings. Then we ate zhou (“joe”) – or Chinese rice porridge – a sort of soupy rice cereal flavored with ginger and pepper (not exactly brown sugar and butter). I think we are in store for a serious decrease in the amount of sugar we consume, and a serious rethinking of what constitutes breakfast food.

Someone once told me that the Chinese are a lot like the Italians. This struck me as impossible and a little funny at the time. Today though, as the courses of food kept appearing, the similarities began to appear. It dawned on us after the first two courses that there was more to come and that we ought to probably pace ourselves. There were three more courses – shrimp stuffed dimsum, beef dimsum, and sticky rice (coagulated rice with peanuts, pork, and duck eggs). It is now 4:30pm and we are not hungry. This is how the Italians eat – pasta, chicken, wine, pork, salad, bread, more wine, fruit, dessert, more wine, water – course after course. I learned to pace myself in Italy when I once filled myself with the first two courses only to find 5 more courses waiting in the wings. Marco Polo and Kublai Khan must have felt comfortable dining together, as odd a pair as they may have seemed at first sight.