I just thought you were getting fat!

The news is officially out that I am pregnant. At almost 6 months along, I think it’s pretty hard to miss my bulging belly, but apparently for many people here, it’s not obvious. A few people have made extremely blunt comments when I’ve seen them, such as, “You got quite fat over the summer!” or “Oh, I just thought you were fat now!” I think it’s a combination of both the fact that the Chinese are not shy about calling a spade a spade and letting people know that they are fat, along with the fact that people don’t expect me to be pregnant again because I already have a child. These comments have made me laugh, and yes, I must agree, I am getting a little fat (let’s face it, it’s not all baby).

So far, being pregnant in China has been pretty good. Some perks have included a definite seat on every bus (as long as I stick my belly out purposefully as I get on the bus, which I do, because frankly, I really do need the seat as buses here are really crowded and crazy!). The first time it happened, an old lady gave me her seat – one which frankly, she probably needed more than I did. But, as I’ve stated before on this blog, when in China, one does NOT argue with an elderly Chinese lady. You just agree and do as she says. So I sat down, hoping she’d survive the rest of the bus ride on her feet. About five seconds later, I heard a cranky groan and what was the equivalent of, “Oh for crying out loud, lady!” coming from behind me. I turned to see an older man (in much better shape than the aforementioned lady), get up and give his seat to her. I was relieved! People also mysteriously believe that if you are pregnant you become incapacitated here. I think because women only go through pregnancy once in China, people really milk it for all it’s worth that one time around. So people marvel at my ability to carry Leo, carry groceries, walk to the store, go to classes, walk anywhere really, exercise (this rarely happens purposefully if I’m being totally honest here), jog after Leo and play ball with him, etc… I am Wonder Woman here! It doesn’t take much, apparently.
Some things have been more challenging. Grocery shopping has become a pretty exhausting chore as I’m on foot and have no shopping cart, and Leo is now impossible to carry on my back along with all of the groceries. So I’m currently shopping for a good (and light) stroller, and meanwhile trying to schedule shopping trips when he can stay behind. I’ve also learned the fine art of bribing my child with treats so he’ll walk beside me and behave in the grocery store aisles. So far, so good. I’ve also received very few “Congratulations” from Chinese people here upon hearing the news that I am again pregnant. Usually people say, “Na hen xinku a?” which basically means, “Wow, that’s not an easy situation, eh?” This is a bit of a downer, as I’m overjoyed to be pregnant and wish to share that joy rather than be brought down a notch by the reminder that it’s going to be a lot of hard work. I know it’s hard work to have children, but I really like them anyway, thanks! I think people here are really trying to commiserate and relate, but it strikes an odd note with me. People know that we are here without our parents, and this already makes our situation very difficult in their eyes (I’m sure my mother is nodding her head at this!). Every child here has six adults looking after him or her – parents and both sets of grandparents. Seeing as we are already burdened with one child and no grandparents, another child seems unfathomable. Although I try to explain that in the US the grandparents do not raise the grandchild as in China, and in fact we do not think this is the ideal, it still causes some consternation and confusion in those not familiar with Western culture. We share with people that although both of us would welcome our parents to Nanjing if they wanted to be closer to us, they would still not assume the leadership role in raising our child (children) as is the custom in China. And furthermore, we’re pretty certain our parents would not want this responsibility, as much as they love our kids! These are interesting conversations and it’s great to have even more reason to have them now that I’m pregnant again.
We are also busy visiting hospitals and trying to figure out where to have this baby. This decision is still up in the air, and another whole post will be devoted to birth in China (if not more than one post, I’m sure). We’re hopeful to give birth in Nanjing, and will most likely decide in the next month or so.

All hail!

Hmm…

You know something is a little strange when your two year old’s first choice for a bedtime story is Mao Tsedong’s Little Red Book of sayings.

Better have that chat with his nanny again.

Personal space

Standing in front of a gas station case of cold drinks, I was absentmindedly staring at all the choices, waiting for Liz and Leo to come out of the restrooms. There was a good five feet of space between me and the glass door.

Another driver walked up, gave me a hurried glance while muttering ‘Excuse me,’ and scurried in between me and the drinks, trying his best not to obstruct my gaze for any more time than absolutely necessary.

Two thoughts occurred to me. A: I wasn’t really interested in buying anything anyway. B: Why would someone apologize for walking by me in such a broad, clear aisle at the store?

It hit me that my sense of personal space has shrunk considerably over the past year. Americans like space. Chinese don’t ever count on it. Trying to walk through a Chinese supermarket aisle is a lot like trying to walk through a row of occupied seats at the movie theater. People will brazenly hold their ground, not out of any sense of self righteousness, but simply because there’s seldom any extra room to maneuver. China is a crowded place. Really.

For instance, here’s what a normal sidewalk looks like:

Note that 1: People are everywhere. 2: Bikes are everywhere. 3. If trees are planted right in the middle of the sidewalk, this isn’t considered a problem. 4. A shortcut is to walk in the street.

So if I happen to be a little too close to your personal space on our next visit, don’t think I’m weird. It’s just cultural.

And… We’re back

Our first couple days in Canada have been wonderful, minus the inevitable jetlag (which will be around a bit longer as we travel to the US and then the East Coast on Wednesday). We’re in Vancouver, an absolutely beautiful city! We’re staying with our wonderful friends Alex and Kira, who have selflessly moved out of their apartment for us so we can get over jetlag in peace and quiet.

I (Liz) highly recommend not flying with a toddler that long if you can avoid it, but I must say it is worth it to see our friends and reconnect with our own culture. We are really appreciating so many little things, like clothes driers, soft beds, really cold refrigerators, great playgrounds (that are free of charge), sushi!, transacting business in English, easily shared humor, and really plush Q-tips.

But, all that said, I was happy to hear plenty of Mandarin Chinese yesterday on the local playground! Vancouver is a city with many Mandarin speakers, and it really felt nice to hear the sounds that have become almost homelike to us over the past year and a half. Grandfathers playing with their grandchild, mothers chastising their sons for running too fast, and little boys yelling for others to ‘make way’ for them as they slid down the big slide.

Leo felt right at home in this setting, but has been happily overwhelmed by so many fun and new things since our arrival. He seems to have completely lost his appetite, but hopefully that will bounce back as his body regains a normal schedule. His favorite word right now (which he literally wakes up saying) is “Wow!” There have been many “Wows!” so far, and there are many more to come. We are grateful to be back!

Kicked out of Kindergarten?

Leo came home with his Ayi one morning, happily spouting 21 month old nonsensical jargon (which everyone here assumes is English) as usual. Cheng Ayi, however, had a less carefree attitude about her. She had begun in recent months to bring Leo to a local kindergarten to play with the children on their recess. They happen to have a nice playground with slides and swings and jungle gyms (a hard thing to find here), which Leo loves. I had always heard fun stories of their time at the kindergarten, but today was the last day Leo would play there.

Cheng Ayi sheepishly told me that Leo had been asked not to come back. I was slightly dumbfounded, wondering what naughty thing my 21 month old could have done to get kicked out of kindergarten. She explained that Leo was simply "too intense" for the teachers and administrators. I asked what that meant. She told me that Leo was able to climb around the jungle gym and slide down the slides all by himself, and this was very unusual for such a little boy in China. The teachers all were too nervous to continue allowing him to play there. They were also incredulous that such a little boy was able to do these things by himself already.

I had to agree that Leo is unusual for his age here in China. Most children his age are always in the hand of a parent, and have little opportunity to walk or run by themselves. I have been surprised how many times random strangers have come up to me to tell me my son is in mortal danger because he is climbing a set of stairs without my direct help (or touching something on the ground, or jumping up and down, etc). As an American, I tend to encourage Leo to explore and do his own thing while playing, and offer much less overt direction. Of course Chinese children learn to do things on their own too (and very well, I might add!), but on a different timetable, and with differing customs.

Well, Ayi and I were sad that Leo got kicked out of kindergarten, but we both admitted that we harbored some pride at this ‘distinction’!

Common Property

Leo’s nanny takes him all around our neighborhood to play while we’re at work and school. One day, she showed up back at the house with a stack of pictures.. all of Leo.

“I took your camera to the store and had pictures developed! Isn’t Leo cute?”

She hadn’t only not asked our permission to borrow our digital camera, but also developed pictures on our memory card dating almost a year ago. We were speechless at the invasion of privacy.

We patiently explained to her that she needed to ask our permission before using our things. What if something broke? Would she be able to replace it? What if the store uses our pictures illegally for advertisements?

We fumed about this for a day, but then mentioned it to our Chinese teacher. “She probably thought she was doing you a favor,” she explained, “saving you the time of going to the shop yourself.” Only, we didn’t have any intentions to go in the first place!

“Also, Chinese people don’t have the same concept of private property that Westerners have. If they see another person eating something that looks good, for instance, they’ll just take some and share it together. Things are considered to be held in common. Especially for someone from the country, where this is more of a traditional value.”

It’s hard to be upset over something like this. It’s just a blatant difference in cultural perspective. “Ours” always comes before “mine” – how is that supposed to go over with we Americans??

Senseless slaughter

We come across unusual sights here, many times dealing with different standards of animal treatment.  We will never forget the little stray bird being kept on a leash by the toddler at our favorite noodle shop, nor the boiling vat of water with chicken feet sticking out above the rolling water.

A few days ago Liz walked by our local vegetable/edible animal market, only to be nauseated at the sight of scores of bullfrogs being slaughtered by hand.  Blood was running over the sidewalk, but no one seemed to mind.  People like their food fresh!

Today on my walk down the nearby street known to us local foreigners as ‘bird flu alley,’ an animal peddler was hawking ducks, eels, and a few other kinds of animals for sale.  I arrived as he was skinning a pair of small birds, one halfway finished, the other with its head pinned underneath the man’s sandal.  The operation was carried out with a small pair of scissors over a black tarp to catch most of the entrails.

I was interested to see an animal skinned, as my previous city life relegated my experience of animal flesh to the meat section at Kroger’s.  This little bird had already lost its main appendages, feet, tail, and most of its skin.  As the flaying continued I marveled at the deft experience of the farmer’s hands, reducing an animal to its edible parts.  And then he finished with a last *snip* – and there went the head.

What??  The poor bird had been alive during that whole painful flaying!  I too couldn’t suppress some nausea, and left quickly before the bird’s unlucky partner began his turn.  I couldn’t help but wonder if the live flaying of animals is simply a cultural difference here, but I have to wonder if this incident weren’t a little extreme.  There’s no sense in animal cruelty- what a way to die, having one’s body dismantled while still living to experience it!

Further food for thought as we continue learning about our new home here in Nanjing.

Coming soon.. sooner than everywhere else!

I walked by our streetside DVD vendor two days ago and saw a new X-men movie for sale. Strange, I thought, I hadn’t heard about a new Wolverine movie having been released. Liking the X-Men series, I brought a copy home.

Taking a closer look at the cover description, it stated the movie was to be released in UK and Australia April 28th and 29th, and in USA May 1st. Wow, I thought- my first chance at a movie pre-screening.

The DVD was excellent quality; this wasn’t a movie theater recording on a camcorder. In fact, this must have been leaked directly from the movie studio, because the product was still unfinished! Some scenes were simple computer-graphics silhouettes which were obviously intended to be replaced with fancier special effects, like airplane flights and complicated fight sequences. And we chuckled at the wires still visibly pulling the actors through the air, giving us a glimpse at how some of the effects were staged.

It still amazes me that this kind of pirating continues so openly here. Selling this kind of a DVD in America would probably land you in jail. But laws regulating copyright in the US simply are ignored here, despite some talk in official circles about cracking down on the practice more heavily.

In case you’re wondering about the movie, I thought it was a good one despite the poor official reviews. It’s entertaining, which is about all one could ask for from a comic book movie. But the stakes for my screening were much lower: $0.75 to own a new release is a lot less of a gamble than forking over $18 for two movie theater tickets!

Surprise!

This morning, after working all day yesterday – I slept in until a glorious 7:30! Our nanny arrives to work at 8 o’clock, so I had just enough time to get Leo up and dressed and was puttering around the house in my pajamas when Cheng Ayi arrived with… her twin sister in tow. Surprise!

Notice I still have bedhead and a squished up sleep face - but Leo looks great!

We’ve heard a lot about her and were delighted to meet her, but having no advance warning of her visit was something of a shock to the system at 8 o’clock. And anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that mornings and I aren’t best friends. But, this is the way things are in China; we really never know quite what to expect. Not much is absolutely certain until it actually happens, and anything really goes. This has its advantages, as one can change one’s mind at the last minute with no penalties or problems. However, it also has the drawback of not really being able to plan for a darn thing, and needing to be ready for anything, anytime. I’m glad I was at least remotely presentable.
This kind of thing happens all the time. The other day, without notice or warning, a security gate was installed in our apartment building and we were locked out without keys the next day. No big deal, because one of the Nainai’s (Leo has two adopted grandmas in the building) was waiting with keys and felt no need to explain anything to us other than that we owed them money for the gate and access; giving us advanced notice was unnecessary. Our landlord calls (at least he calls!) about 15 minutes before he arrives to make a repair or look at something. We’ve gotten used to this over time. Our class schedules are bound to change at any time, which makes arranging childcare a bit tricky, but so far so good. It all seems to work out in the end, but not without stressing us unaccustomed Americans out a little bit. We’re trying our best to adjust and go with the flow, but I’m afraid I’ll just never be able to roll with it like a Chinese would! One of the most important things for us to remember in the midst of this is that in no way is this lack of advanced notice rude here, and we’ve had to check our own reactions and sensitivities at the door more than once.
Cheng Ayi and her sister are now outside with Leo playing and all is back to normal (for now). We’ll see what other surprises are in store; you just never know what’s going to happen!

Little whiteskin

Leo attracts the funniest remarks while out and about town. His skin is so pale in comparison with the deep tan of the Chinese. A common remark we hear in passing is “So cute! Such white skin!”

The other day while he was playing he attracted a small crowd of grandmas. One came right up to him and said to the rest in Chinese: “Look! Little whiteskin!”

Thoughts of old cowboy films flashed across my mind: “Me Redman. You take um horses and go.” The similarity to the old theatrical language was just too close to pass up a comparison!