What do you like?

I just gave a round of speaking tests for my students, one on one interviews. Some were more adept than others, both at understanding the questions and giving accurate answers.

JM: "So, what are your hobbies?"

Student: *blank stare*

JM: "OK, what are things you like to do?"

Student: "I like sex."

JM: *stifling urge to laugh aloud, gives deadpan response* "Really?"

Student: "Yes." *making music instrument sign with hands* "I play sax for many years."

JM: "Oh! That’s great. I like music too."

Points for entertainment value: 10. Points earned toward test score: 1 (hey- at least he gave an answer!)

I just thought you were getting fat!

The news is officially out that I am pregnant. At almost 6 months along, I think it’s pretty hard to miss my bulging belly, but apparently for many people here, it’s not obvious. A few people have made extremely blunt comments when I’ve seen them, such as, “You got quite fat over the summer!” or “Oh, I just thought you were fat now!” I think it’s a combination of both the fact that the Chinese are not shy about calling a spade a spade and letting people know that they are fat, along with the fact that people don’t expect me to be pregnant again because I already have a child. These comments have made me laugh, and yes, I must agree, I am getting a little fat (let’s face it, it’s not all baby).

So far, being pregnant in China has been pretty good. Some perks have included a definite seat on every bus (as long as I stick my belly out purposefully as I get on the bus, which I do, because frankly, I really do need the seat as buses here are really crowded and crazy!). The first time it happened, an old lady gave me her seat – one which frankly, she probably needed more than I did. But, as I’ve stated before on this blog, when in China, one does NOT argue with an elderly Chinese lady. You just agree and do as she says. So I sat down, hoping she’d survive the rest of the bus ride on her feet. About five seconds later, I heard a cranky groan and what was the equivalent of, “Oh for crying out loud, lady!” coming from behind me. I turned to see an older man (in much better shape than the aforementioned lady), get up and give his seat to her. I was relieved! People also mysteriously believe that if you are pregnant you become incapacitated here. I think because women only go through pregnancy once in China, people really milk it for all it’s worth that one time around. So people marvel at my ability to carry Leo, carry groceries, walk to the store, go to classes, walk anywhere really, exercise (this rarely happens purposefully if I’m being totally honest here), jog after Leo and play ball with him, etc… I am Wonder Woman here! It doesn’t take much, apparently.
Some things have been more challenging. Grocery shopping has become a pretty exhausting chore as I’m on foot and have no shopping cart, and Leo is now impossible to carry on my back along with all of the groceries. So I’m currently shopping for a good (and light) stroller, and meanwhile trying to schedule shopping trips when he can stay behind. I’ve also learned the fine art of bribing my child with treats so he’ll walk beside me and behave in the grocery store aisles. So far, so good. I’ve also received very few “Congratulations” from Chinese people here upon hearing the news that I am again pregnant. Usually people say, “Na hen xinku a?” which basically means, “Wow, that’s not an easy situation, eh?” This is a bit of a downer, as I’m overjoyed to be pregnant and wish to share that joy rather than be brought down a notch by the reminder that it’s going to be a lot of hard work. I know it’s hard work to have children, but I really like them anyway, thanks! I think people here are really trying to commiserate and relate, but it strikes an odd note with me. People know that we are here without our parents, and this already makes our situation very difficult in their eyes (I’m sure my mother is nodding her head at this!). Every child here has six adults looking after him or her – parents and both sets of grandparents. Seeing as we are already burdened with one child and no grandparents, another child seems unfathomable. Although I try to explain that in the US the grandparents do not raise the grandchild as in China, and in fact we do not think this is the ideal, it still causes some consternation and confusion in those not familiar with Western culture. We share with people that although both of us would welcome our parents to Nanjing if they wanted to be closer to us, they would still not assume the leadership role in raising our child (children) as is the custom in China. And furthermore, we’re pretty certain our parents would not want this responsibility, as much as they love our kids! These are interesting conversations and it’s great to have even more reason to have them now that I’m pregnant again.
We are also busy visiting hospitals and trying to figure out where to have this baby. This decision is still up in the air, and another whole post will be devoted to birth in China (if not more than one post, I’m sure). We’re hopeful to give birth in Nanjing, and will most likely decide in the next month or so.

Back to my old tricks…

Well, it’s been fun re-cutting our Chinese chops this past week. It’s amazing how quickly we’ve become a bit rusty in the language after a couple of months of straight English. It’s coming back quickly though (thank goodness!), and we’re finding our way just fine.

It wouldn’t be right though, without one nice huge mistake to start the new year off. On the phone with our ayi, I told her that the characters in the note she left us were “ugly” instead of “difficult for me to read” – (characters are already difficult to read, and then try to read someone’s quick cursive handwriting). Luckily, as time goes on here, I am able to catch my own mistakes, and I quickly told her that her handwriting was not ugly, just difficult to read. She’s used to us by now though, and thought nothing of it.

Kicked out of Kindergarten?

Leo came home with his Ayi one morning, happily spouting 21 month old nonsensical jargon (which everyone here assumes is English) as usual. Cheng Ayi, however, had a less carefree attitude about her. She had begun in recent months to bring Leo to a local kindergarten to play with the children on their recess. They happen to have a nice playground with slides and swings and jungle gyms (a hard thing to find here), which Leo loves. I had always heard fun stories of their time at the kindergarten, but today was the last day Leo would play there.

Cheng Ayi sheepishly told me that Leo had been asked not to come back. I was slightly dumbfounded, wondering what naughty thing my 21 month old could have done to get kicked out of kindergarten. She explained that Leo was simply "too intense" for the teachers and administrators. I asked what that meant. She told me that Leo was able to climb around the jungle gym and slide down the slides all by himself, and this was very unusual for such a little boy in China. The teachers all were too nervous to continue allowing him to play there. They were also incredulous that such a little boy was able to do these things by himself already.

I had to agree that Leo is unusual for his age here in China. Most children his age are always in the hand of a parent, and have little opportunity to walk or run by themselves. I have been surprised how many times random strangers have come up to me to tell me my son is in mortal danger because he is climbing a set of stairs without my direct help (or touching something on the ground, or jumping up and down, etc). As an American, I tend to encourage Leo to explore and do his own thing while playing, and offer much less overt direction. Of course Chinese children learn to do things on their own too (and very well, I might add!), but on a different timetable, and with differing customs.

Well, Ayi and I were sad that Leo got kicked out of kindergarten, but we both admitted that we harbored some pride at this ‘distinction’!

You are just too annoying!

It often happens here that we’d like to thank people for their kindness. Like the wonderful lovely waitress at our favorite Indian restaurant who gave us a free order of nan on our anniversary and who watches Leo for us for a few minutes so we can eat. Or, another example, when JM was in Tibet and I was having trouble one night with a very tired Leo who needed to go to bed, the restaurant at the bottom of our building delivered dinner to my door without asking for anything in return. These are the moments, among many here, for which we are very grateful for people’s help and generosity. Naturally we want to say thank you, and tell people how kind they are.

Now, here’s where things went wrong for a while. It turns out that I’ve been mispronouncing the word “kind” for a good number of months. And, unfortunately, my pronunciation does make another real Chinese word. It’s also an adjective, so it’s pretty close. Except it means “annoying” rather than kind. Oops. So I’ve been telling our sweet waitress how annoying she’s been when she’s watched Leo for us, and thanked our generous downstairs restaurant owners for being so annoying. Nice of me, eh?

Thankfully, actions speak louder than words, so I’ve never offended anyone. It’s clear by my smile and behavior that I’m grateful and not annoyed. But I am grateful that I now know, and can look a little less foolish and a little more polished in the future. No one has ever corrected my pronunciation (it’s a rare thing here anyway; I actually wish people corrected me more often!). I only found out because JM and I were having a debate over it in a taxi one day, and we looked it up at home (I lost that debate!).

The REAL Reason

I was explaining the post-hoc fallacy to my students last week. It’s a logical fallacy that occurs when you assume that because X happened before Y, X necessarily caused Y. I asked my students to think of an example of this faulty form of reasoning. One of my very bright students, after thinking long and hard, slowly and very earnestly answered thus:

“For example, if a person catches a cold after going swimming, they might think that they caught a cold because they went swimming before they caught a cold. But they would be wrong.” (long dramatic pause here) “They really caught a cold because… they weren’t wearing enough clothes. ”

If you’ve read our blog, wearing enough clothes (the definition of enough clothes is however many layers you can stuff on your body and still walk around) is a very big deal here. All colds are caused by not wearing enough clothes. My son has a little cold right now, and our ayi secretly asked my husband if I put enough layers on him the day before he caught a cold. (She’s smart enough not to ask me that question directly!)

Well, I did what any teacher would do, and praised my student’s wonderful example while smiling inside. I decided to save the lecture on germs causing colds. She was very proud of herself, as was I!

Quote of the Day

In JM’s tutoring session one student made a memorable comment:

“I like to eat fish brains, not duck brains.”

What did he say?

We have a foreign friend who does business in China who we met in class last term. He often has meetings with Chinese contacts over dinner, a very traditional way of doing business here. The fact that for personal reasons he doesn’t drink alcohol or eat pork sometimes makes for interesting cross-cultural interactions.

A few days ago, he met with about five clients at a restaurant, but allowed his interpreter to do all of the food ordering. Having said very little up to this point, he appeared to the clients to be unable to speak Chinese. When his food preferences became obvious, the clients started talking among themselves:

“This guy doesn’t eat any pork?”
“No, and he doesn’t drink alcohol either.”
“Really? Wow- his life really isn’t very interesting!”

Our good-natured friend decided to pipe up at this point in his defense: “Because I don’t eat pork or drink, you think my life doesn’t have any interest?”

Jaws dropped, followed by swift apologies and assurances that that wasn’t what was meant. He took the comment in stride, but from that moment the negotiations went a lot more smoothly for him!

The Unlabeled Life

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I (JM) think that there is an exception- the life in China of unexamined nutrition labels is entirely liberating. Every food product in the States had nutrition information that I would at least glance over before eating, but since arrival here, I haven’t once been able to decipher the Chinese coding on food items that must say things like ‘mono-unsaturated,’ ‘thiamine,’ or quite possibly ‘melamine’(!). I have to say that life without the pressure of doing a quick mathematical calculation before every bite (‘Is that more than one-third’s worth of fat?’) has brought a new level of peace that I imagine can be likened to some kind of Nirvana, aloof from the care of this worldly weight of calories.

In fact, many things here don’t even have food labels. If I asked the Chow-mein cook how much oil was in my fried noodles, he would probably stare at me blankly, or else say ‘As much as I put in.’ Sometimes there’s a lot, more often a whole lot. Oil is used liberally on every dish except for steamed rice (but thankfully there’s the fried version). All of the oil, sugar, MSG and saturated fat notwithstanding, the average citizen here is not less healthy than Americans, but appears to be the opposite. Is it the mobile lifestyle, the substitution of tea for coffee, the lack of significant dairy consumption, or just genetics? It’s hard to say. People are in fact rather large consumers of food, but still avoid avoid becoming.. rather ‘large’ consumers of food.

So, no real need for food labels. It’s a lucky quirk of the system that no matter what you are eating, your chances of gaining weight are significantly reduced. Vitamins? Just eat your veggies. Protein? Tofu can be made into almost anything. Sodium? Better worry more about the effects of smoking and second-hand smoke before heart attacks.

It’s been nine months of the nutrition-label-free life, and I have to say that now having arrived, I don’t plan on going back!

Those messy people

Today in our spoken Chinese course we studied vocabulary describing rooms and their appearance (furniture pieces, messy/clean, different room names, etc.). Volunteers went to the front of the room and gave a description of their own living quarters.

One rather plump classmate described her room and its contents, making the admission that her room stays fairly messy. As she walked back to her chair our teacher stated out loud what to her seemed obvious inference:

“Fat people often have messy rooms, don’t they? Because fat people eat and drink a lot of things, they are always leaving some things here, some things there. It’s easy for them to be messy.”

Our classmate did not catch the drift of this straight-faced comment, fortunately, but some of us who did just looked at each other aghast with amazement. Did she really just say that??

Standards of politeness and frankness vary everywhere. We will think again before making a seemingly innocuous admission in front of our classmates!